Processing

How we met is not so important. I think the best part of our story is the way things evolved between him and me - how we went from being “friends” to lovers. I don’t even know what we were. It wasn’t the usual kind of relationship; he didn’t ask me out and neither did I. We were not “together” but we did fool around a lot (if you know what I mean). We started off saying that this shouldn’t be more than just a platonic friendship. Of course, that was before things started to get messy between us.

First I got his email address somehow. We exchanged emails here and there just to get to know each other. I would ask him what kind of music he liked, what tv shows he watched or what his favourite sports were.. You know, the basics! Then we took the next step: msn. How silly. But God do I miss those five hours conversations. Past midnight he would always tell me that nothing good happens after midnight. But then again, we both knew that neither him nor I wanted to stop. The only times we did call it a night before twelve o'clock were the times that we got into a fight. We seemed like we never got bored of each other. There was always more to talk about.

One day, my friends decided to “bond” a little (but really, it was just for the sake of gossiping). So they started sharing stories with each other. I thought to myself “oh, this should be interesting. Let’s hear what they have to say”. Half an hour later I just wanted to get out of there. I needed to. I had reached the peak of my emotional instability, and I knew for a fact ten more minutes of listening to their bullshit would have resulted into a nasty cat fight. When I went for a walk, all I could think of was “why me?” All I wanted at that moment was to hear his voice. So I called him; and as soon as he picked up the phone, it didn’t hurt as much. 

We talked; I told him what had happened, what was on my mind. Then I cracked, as usual. He hung up the phone and thought it'd be a good idea to meet me up. For some reason, I was nervous while I waited. My mind started drifting away from what seemed to be the original issue. And there he was, slowly approaching me and searching for any signs of tears on my cheeks. I stopped crying by then. I couldn’t afford to let him see me in that state. I’d look so weak and vulnerable, wouldn’t I?

But who was I kidding? I knew that my eyes were puffy and red-ish.
 
He was now standing in front of me. He looked for some eye contact and asked me if I was okay. I tried to come up with a lie like I usually do. But not this time. This time, my mind was too busy processing other things. Because without realizing it, he took me in his arms and started kissing me.